Many tears.....

I have no good news to report! The first round of Clomid did not work! :( Although my period is 6 days late for no apparent reason--took a blood test today and it was negative. I start Provera(progesterone) today to make my cycle start. Then on day five we will do another round of Clomid--my dr. did bump up the amount from 50 mg to 100 mg. So we will see if that works! I don't think I ovulated at all last month. I had no symptoms and I promise we covered the window of opportunity very well! Why is my body not cooperating? Ugh! It is so heartbreaking time after time to get negative results. The doctor's office where I went today to get the blood tests were so rude. I mean they look at me like I am over reacting by getting the blood test. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't preggo before I started medicine.

A Better Day....

A big THANK YOU to all the kind words you all have bestowed to me! Today is a better day! I am feeling much better than yesterday! I have been so lazy today. It is after 5:00 pm and have just gotten my shower for the day. Just wanted my blogger friends to know that I am better today! I have to cut this short due to the fact that I really should be getting ready for church right now!

Have you ever wanted something so bad but you don't think you will ever get it.....

I am writing today with a blank heart. I just feel so much emptiness in side. It is so hard to put in words how I feel. I have such a longing to become a mother and sometimes wonder if I was even meant to be one. Please don't feel sorry for me! My friends and family are awesome and have been so loving and understanding -- as much as they can. But you know no one can truly begin to understand or comprehend the way I feel. I so appreciate all the thoughts and prayers. I am really not making light of it but I am so tired of hearing that everything will work out. I truly don't see an end insight! There is this huge void in my heart/life that I long to fill.

Through all of this Randy and I continue to pray that whatever happens Jesus will get the glory! We continue to remind ourselves that we will praise him in this storm and that we will continue to give him the glory although it is difficult at times! Yes, we have faith and we believe with all our hearts that he does not give us what we can not handle. He knows our strengths and our weaknesses. Sometimes I do not feel very strong...I feel so helpless! My best friend Angela gave me one of my Willow Tree Figurines for Courage that made me feel so good to know that people think I have courage. Boy do I have them fooled. Sometimes I am so scared to face another day of let downs and being hopeful this time to only get a negative pregnancy test. However, I am not feeling sorry for myself.....trust me I know things could be worse. I have read lots of blogs where their situations are a lot worse than mine.

Brighter side note: things are going really good with the Clomid. It tends to make me really loopy and moody. PS-hence the emotional blog. I apologize in advance for the blogs to come that are emotional.

Well I am off my soapbox! Thanks for listening. It was good to get that off of my chest! Y'all, I just want to remind you that I have such an amazing husband! He truly is God sent!

Love, love, love, and more love!