Christmas....

There are 16 of us!

Me and my wonderful husband!

My nephew Grayson.

My nephew Cayden.

My sister

Jessica, me and Brittney

My family minus my dad...he had to work!

So....

So, today is cd 32 and I normally start on cd 33. I am cramping so I am quiet sure I will start soon! We are having thanksgiving at my house this year. His family and some of mine will be there! I am so excited I am attempting to make chicken and dressing for the first time. I hope its good so that this is the first of many times not the last time! I have such fond memories watching my grandmother make it for thanksgiving and christmas!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

Everybody that I have told that my Christmas decor is up
is like isn't it too early for that! UGH! I am in the Christmas
spirit! Or maybe I am an over achiever!



My front door.

My christmas tree and all of my cross collection!

My mantel. We still have work to do. We don't

have our gas logs in yet nor do we have the tv

that we want to go above the mantel.

A hot dog....

Is this not the cutest thing you have ever seen?

Harlie had to make her debut at Harvest Festival sporting her costume!

Everyone thought she was adoreable!

A Makeover....

So, I finally figured out how to do all of this stuff on my blog! However, it took me several hours and many attempts. I thought I was going to loose my religion a couple of times (j/k)! Tell me whatcha think!

Well, well, well.....

So, its no surprise to you by now when I tell you this month wasn't the month! We will start our last round of clomid on Saturday. Not really sure where we will go from here! We are just experiencing heartache and lots of disappointment! I stumbled across this video by chance tonight and it made both Randy and I cry because it describes to a T how we feel and what our battle with infertility is all about! Please take the time to watch it! It tells you what I can't say in words!

http://www.tearsandhope.com/emptyarms_video.html

10 Year High School Reunion....

I had my reunion back in September. I had so much fun. It was so nice to see everybody and I have gotten close with some that I wasn't really close with back then. Here are some pics.

Republican...

Ok, so this election is weighed heavily on my heart and has made me scared more than ever! I have been praying like crazy for this election more than I have in the past! We can not afford to have the wrong person in office! It is going to come down to the nitty gritty and every single vote is going to count! Obviously, I am for McCain and Palin. I think she is great and just what we need. If you are republican check out Hank Williams supporting McCain/Palin!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-YuyTXZs58

To catch you up...

So, my doctor wanted me to do two more rounds of 150 mg of clomid. We have done the first of the two rounds. He said that after this we would take a 2-3 month break from the clomid. If I am not pregnant by then we will be referred to a specialist. I am honestly ok with this. I know that God has plans for us even though we can't understand them right now! Well I better run before Randy catches me not cleaning....He is moping the floor right now and I am taking a break!

Blessings and peace,

And again.....

Ok so this one is going to be short and to the point.....again another month that it didn't work! I keep telling myself that it will happen but I am not so sure now! Hope everyone is doing good! I am off to do some much needed cleaning! Love y'all tons!

Learning to dance.....

So I guess you have figured out by now that I am not pregnant! It did not work last month. I am now taking 150 mg of clomid! YUCK! So maybe this time! Alot has happened since last post. We have gone on vacation, my sister got married, and Randy was ordained to be deacon. Here are some pictures from all of this! Thanks so much for you continued prayers! It is because of Jesus' never ending love can we make it through this! Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass.. it's about learning to dance in the rain. Folks, I am learning to dance in the rain!

Randy's Deacon Ordination Service

On the dolphin cruise

The water was so beautiful the day we left!

Beautiful sunset.

Jessica and Michael

Me and my hubby!

Update....

Ok so I know it has been forever but I really haven't felt like getting on here plus I have been extremely busy! Went to the Dr. to have a small test done to see if I had ovulated last month and guess what....................I DID! The medicine is working. I am just ovulating late in my cycle! We are so excited now we have days to really focus on!

Here are some pics from this past weekend!

Brittney, my baby sister, and me being silly

and of course ever so beautiful!

Brittney, Me, and Jessica

My sisters!

Words can't describe the pain......

I am not sure where or even how to begin. My grandfather passed away last Thursday. We had the funeral on Sunday. Randy sang Beulah Land and did an amazing job. The flowers were absolutely beautiful! I miss him so much. He was the greatest man in the world. My grandparents practically raised me. So I think that it is even harder on me because I spent so much time with them. He lived a little over three years after Mamaw died. I know that he isn't suffering anymore and that he is in a better place. I know this but its still one of the hardest things to accept! I loved him so much and we had a relationship that most people would kill to have with their grandfather! Growing up he never spanked me and wouldn't let anyone else do it around him! I was the first grandchild and the only one for four years. It is just really hard to describe the pain. I am so thankful that God has blessed me with him for 28 years although I can't help but wish it was longer. He loved me just as much as I loved him and you could see it in his face. For 28 years every time he saw me his face lit up! There will be more posts to come on this but right now I can't talk anymore about it! I will tell you more about his life in the next post!

A Change...

I finally figured out how to add music! I am so excited! Beth, I had to copy you! The first song on the list is my all time favorite song and it helps me so much! The other ones are favorites too! I encourage you when you have time to listen to all of them and listen carefully to the message! Sometimes I just sit and cry listening to them! Hope y'all are having a great week!

Real Quick Update.....

Talked to the Dr. today....they seem to think that it is a good sign that I started my cycle on my own! Will do 100 mg of clomid and on day cd25 they will do a biopsy to see if I ovulated! Gotta run...going to see my nephews! Em, Franke, Caden, and sweet little Grayson are in town!

heavy hearted....

I just got home from a flying trip to Pontotoc! My best friend, Brandi, had a miscarriage and they did a D&C on her this morning! She is doing pretty good! I went up yesterday after work and spent the night and was able to go with her this morning. We have been friends since seventh grade! On to more bad news....clomid didn't work this month either. Don't know what the next step is. I will talk to the Dr. Monday! I JUST WANT TO GO OUTSIDE AND SCREAM TO THE TOP OF MY LUNGS WHY.....WHY ME! I AM REALLY NOT STRONG!

Youth Director

Well I have no baby news! SIGH! But I do have exciting news----I am the Youth Director at my church. It is a part time position. The kids are really excited. First order of business is to get more kids! Anyway, I will keep you updated on this and the baby stuff!

New Job

I am so excited to say that I am starting a new job! I will be the Director of Social Services at Trinity Nursing Home. Of course it will be a considerable pay raise! I also have something else in the works that I need prayers about! I have put in for the youth director position at my church! I should know something about that next week hopefully! I will keep y'all updated!

New Favorite Thing and wild emotions....

Y'all the swifter vac is the greatest thing! I LOVE it! I use it almost everyday which is very unusual for me! It is so easy to use and handy! Ok enough before this sounds like a commercial!




Please say a prayer for Randy as I am going through crazy emotions right now with the medicine! He is so wonderful! The clomid has horrible side effects which I think I get them all. Nausea, hot flashes, crazy emotions, and lots lots more! Anyway have a wonderful day!

Update

I finally have something to write about. We are finally back on track and will start the clomid Saturday. So please begin praying for us. Please just pray that God's will will be done in our lives. Katrina, I am sorry for not posting the tag I promise I will! Oh and also Happy Late Mother's Day to all my mommy friends! Hope your day was wonderful! I found out Tuesday that my very best friend is expecting her second child! I am so excited for her! Here is a picture of she and I:

She is driving me away on the golf cart! :)

This is at Bryce's 3rd Birthday!

Many tears.....

I have no good news to report! The first round of Clomid did not work! :( Although my period is 6 days late for no apparent reason--took a blood test today and it was negative. I start Provera(progesterone) today to make my cycle start. Then on day five we will do another round of Clomid--my dr. did bump up the amount from 50 mg to 100 mg. So we will see if that works! I don't think I ovulated at all last month. I had no symptoms and I promise we covered the window of opportunity very well! Why is my body not cooperating? Ugh! It is so heartbreaking time after time to get negative results. The doctor's office where I went today to get the blood tests were so rude. I mean they look at me like I am over reacting by getting the blood test. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't preggo before I started medicine.

A Better Day....

A big THANK YOU to all the kind words you all have bestowed to me! Today is a better day! I am feeling much better than yesterday! I have been so lazy today. It is after 5:00 pm and have just gotten my shower for the day. Just wanted my blogger friends to know that I am better today! I have to cut this short due to the fact that I really should be getting ready for church right now!

Have you ever wanted something so bad but you don't think you will ever get it.....

I am writing today with a blank heart. I just feel so much emptiness in side. It is so hard to put in words how I feel. I have such a longing to become a mother and sometimes wonder if I was even meant to be one. Please don't feel sorry for me! My friends and family are awesome and have been so loving and understanding -- as much as they can. But you know no one can truly begin to understand or comprehend the way I feel. I so appreciate all the thoughts and prayers. I am really not making light of it but I am so tired of hearing that everything will work out. I truly don't see an end insight! There is this huge void in my heart/life that I long to fill.

Through all of this Randy and I continue to pray that whatever happens Jesus will get the glory! We continue to remind ourselves that we will praise him in this storm and that we will continue to give him the glory although it is difficult at times! Yes, we have faith and we believe with all our hearts that he does not give us what we can not handle. He knows our strengths and our weaknesses. Sometimes I do not feel very strong...I feel so helpless! My best friend Angela gave me one of my Willow Tree Figurines for Courage that made me feel so good to know that people think I have courage. Boy do I have them fooled. Sometimes I am so scared to face another day of let downs and being hopeful this time to only get a negative pregnancy test. However, I am not feeling sorry for myself.....trust me I know things could be worse. I have read lots of blogs where their situations are a lot worse than mine.

Brighter side note: things are going really good with the Clomid. It tends to make me really loopy and moody. PS-hence the emotional blog. I apologize in advance for the blogs to come that are emotional.

Well I am off my soapbox! Thanks for listening. It was good to get that off of my chest! Y'all, I just want to remind you that I have such an amazing husband! He truly is God sent!

Love, love, love, and more love!

Things could be better but who is complaining....

As most of you know my grandfather has Alzheimer's and has been in a nursing home for a week now! It was really hard to make that decision but I think it is for the best. On most days he does not recognize anyone...to me that is the hardest. To see that blank look on his face as he looks at me trying to figure out who I am. See y'all I was his girl. His favorite. I have always thought the world of him and to me he is the greatest man in the world. Growing up I only wanted to make my grandparents proud.....I dreamed of them seeing me graduate from high school, college, get married, and see my children. However, the only thing that they both got to see was me graduate from high school. My grandfather did get to see me graduate from college and get married. The longer it takes for us to conceive the greater the odds are that Papaw is not going to get to see our little one. If he does he will not know who it is. So needless to say this is really hard on me and Randy as well. I really wish now that I would have educated myself alot more on the disease than I did. I went to visit him yesterday and took him lunch. It was a really good day for him. There were times that he knew who everyone was. These days are going to be to few and far between.

On a brighter note......I have started the fertility medicine today! I am really nervous though. I take it for five days and then was instructed by the Dr. to have sex every other day. Haha! I will keep you updated on how this goes....not the sex part! I will spare you on that one! LOL! I just hope that I don't experience any of the side effects including the multiple births.

Peace and Blessings

Easter....

Y'all I watched the Passion last night at church and it was my first time to watch it. We showed it at church for a youth fundraiser. If you have not watched it you need to. I believe every believer should see it! Y'all they really did tortue MY JESUS! He arose from the grave for you and for me! He is alive. Do you know that we are the only religion that serves a living GOD! It just amazes me how people can deny him! I really think you should see the movie... if you have let me know how you feel about it or what you think! I would love to hear your thoughts! I must say that it absolutely broke my heart to see it in such reality. To physically see what MY JESUS went through for my sins just puts me in awe!

GOOD NEWS...

Ok so I had the HSG procedure done on Wednesday. It wasn't really painful at all. However my tubes are clear and good to go! My Dr. has already prescribed me clomid (fertility medicine) and I will start that next month! So hopefully it won't be long till we have more good news! Thank each of you who have been diligently praying for us! God has truly blessed us so far and we can't wait for more to come! We serve an amazing God and he has truly answered our prayers. He reminds me daily who is in charge of things it is HE not me!

LAST PROCEDURE....

I WILL BE GOING IN ON WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 27 TO HAVE WHAT WE HOPE IS THE LAST PROCEDURE IN THIS ROLLERCOASTER RIDE! THEY WILL BE CHECKING TO SEE IF MY TUBES ARE CLEAR OR IF AT LEAST ONE IS CLEAR! PLEASE PRAY FOR US THAT GOD'S WILL WILL BE DONE! I WILL LET YOU KNOW THE RESULTS AS SOON AS WE FIND OUT! LOVE Y'ALL!

Love....

I love valentine's day! Marriage is amazing! I am so in love with this man! Here are some love quotes that explain how in love I am!

"I am like a falling star who has finally found her place next to another in a lovely constellation, where we will sparkle in the heavens forever."

"I love thee, I love but thee With a love that shall not die Till the sun grows cold, And the stars grow old..."

I am so thankful to have a wonderful husband like Randy! I see so many people who aren't happy with their marriage and realize just how lucky I am! Anyway...I hope everyone has a happy Valentine's Day and that you spend it with the one you love!

Bored...

Ok so this has been the longest week ever! I am so happy that it is the weekend! I am going home (pray for me) to celebrate my sister's 15 bday. Gosh I can remember when I was 15 man I feel old! Randy and I are going to Winter Jam Sunday night with the youth! It is going to be so much fun! Mercy Me, Skillet, New Song, and Barlow Girl are all going to be there! We still have no news to tell on the whole baby stuff. I haven't had the last procedure yet to see if my tubes are clear or not. But I will definitely let everyone know when that time comes. We are still praying for a miracle to concieve on our own without medicicne.

Anxious...

So I made it through surgery! I had two cysts removed. We go tomorrow to the Dr. for my check up and to discuss our options! Please say a small prayer tonight for us! I will keep you updated with what the dr says!